( note: Stu-pot's a kind (and a little dull) soul. let's just say the recent turn of events here would have him very sad. as they say, ignorance is bliss. As well, if you've trouble reading these words, try saying them. with the most horrible cockney accent you can. it helps. maybe next time, he'll put his teeth in. with a red cheeked face, i bring you Stu. ~T )
"Dear Cora"
... at leafft, oi would wroite 'at... eckffept oi can't ffee roight now.
'ey ain' know whoiy, but're doin' tefftff. oi 'ave t' give blood lotff. an' oi fookin' 'ate it.
...uhm... yeh prolly wunner 'bout me voiffe.
oi 'ave a liffp, cauffe me front teef waff kick'd out loike ffickff yearff 'go.
it'ff ok though. 'ey ain' 'urt 'nymore. ffometoimeff oi wear proff'etickff. but oi ain' loike t'.
oi 'ave dentff in my 'ead, an' two brok'n eyeff. ... oi waff in a car craffh. twoiffe. ... uhm... 'at waff ten yearff 'go! oi fftill get 'eadacheff.
'nyway!
yeh ffeem'd loike a frien'ly perffon, wot would lifften t' a liffpin' muffiffian dullard g'wan 'bout dentff.
peopl' 'ave tol' me oi'm a good lifft'n'r.
cauffe... y'know... it'ff a muffiffian'ff buffineff t' lifften.
oi guefff oi ffhould affk ffome quefftionff.
iff yehr 'air real'y pink?
... moine'ff real'y blue.
are yeh Witt'n'ff mum?
he'ff pink loike yeh are. an' iff ffmall'r'n yeh are.
alffo oi wond'r'd if yeh loik'd t' feed birdff.
do yeh?
oi loike t' feed pigeonff... ev'n if oi can't ffee! oi c'n 'ear 'em.
their wingff're all flut'ry 'roun' me feet.
well, oi guefff thoffe're all th' quefftionff oi want'd t' affk roight now.
oi 'ope yehr well. an' 'at peopl're noiffe t' yeh.
but not too noiffe. 'at ain' good. peopl' ffhouldn' be too noiffe t' yeh. 'en 'ey juff' wanna do ffummink t' yeh.
uhm. oi guefff 'at'ff me advoiffe. it'ff not ver' good advoiffe. cauffe oi ain' ffmart.
well, oi c'n lifft'n. ffo talk t' me, awroight?
Stu.
--
out take:
he really wanted a pink-rabbit-pink one. but they hadn't any.
(PS: in case anyone is still befuddled. say all the "ff" as "s", then it will make sense to you.)
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