((I should have posted this ages ago, but honestly, I've been flat down sick since Christmas day
Once again, translated from Felinish for the benefit of those who are not cats.))Iago: Greetings, Witten. I accept the extended paw of peace and offer my own in exchange. I feel this move on our part will do much to bring some sense of harmony to our Ladies, as well as allow us to focus more completely upon our true enemies. I applaud the depositing of hair and claw marks upon the chair of the one known as Locke. Be careful though, I sense you were in danger of something akin to "the crate" when you attempted to bite the one known as V.
Iago: While I understand you have declined my offer of a personal servant, I would encourage you to reconsider. While I know that my Lady is always ready to pamper me at my slightest whim, the advent of the one known as "boyfriend" has resulted in some neglect of my desires. Attempts to remonstrate with my Lady resulted in misunderstandings which included her use of the "spray bottle" and a withholding of my daily catnip allowance. While you have no "boyfriend" to contend with, the appearance of an infant will be much, much worse. Humans have been known to actually discard pets who have been with them for life, all due to the appearance of an infant!
Iago: Also, in the most recent arrival of servant class entities, one arrived that would be uniquely appropriate to your household. Let me show you.
Iago gestures imperiously Woman. Approach!
Jenny: Hi you cute little thing you!
Iago: Be respectful, woman.
Jenny: Oh, I'm very sorry Master Iago. ahem... It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance Master Witten.
Iago: As you can see, this one has naturally pink hair. There are no others of her kind here and as my own Lady is not overly fond of the color I'm certain she will not fare well in this place. She has, however, proven herself to be a swift learner, and eager.
Jenny: Yes, Master Witten. I've already passed Advanced Feline Massage, Complex Grooming, Hairball Relief Procedures and Manicure 101. I'll be finishing my final instructions in Ear Cleaning, Manicure 102, and Lock Picking (also known as How to Help your Master Enter Forbidden Rooms). Master Iago has also arranged for me to learn basic human baby care as well so I can be of aid to your Lady.
Iago: As you can see I am not offering you some sort of cheap untrained help. Nor is she an illegal - I assure you all proper import regulations were followed when she passed through cutoms. Say the word and I will have her included with gifts my Lady is due to send yours.
Jenny: It would be my honor to work for you, Master Witten, and your Lady as well. She's so very beautiful and pink!
Iago: *coughs with annoyance* Please refrain from insipid comments, woman. I shall look forward to your response, my friend.
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